Come to think of it objectively, how could I have stopped myself from falling for him? When you grow up in a land without sun, you're not used to being addressed "honey" or "darling" even as a joke. And you're completely unprepared for the mysteries of people who come from not one but two foreign countries. That's culture shock enough, isn't it?
I am super obvious when I like someone, which is definitely strange as I am absolutely terrified of being rejected. Actually, all my worst fears are things that are bound to happen.
What makes you happy when you like someone even though you know there's no chance of your feelings being reciprocated?
It's not my fault this happened. I'd like to blame him but I can't, either. It's nobody's fault, it just happened. That's how it goes sometimes. It's not his fault I don't fit into his criteria and it's not my fault either, even though I personally think so.
I wish I fit in someone's criteria.
They say loving others begins with loving yourself. I believe this but how am I supposed to love myself if I don't feel worthy of love from anyone or I don't see how anyone could ever love anything in me.
I guess it must be depression. Why I haven't left this house in three days for anything other than food. And had take-out on two days out of the three. Why I don't feel happy doing things I want to do or in some cases, think I'll never be able to do what I want.
There are so many break-up songs. But what about people like me, the love disabled, of whom no one has ever cared? I never listen to Fix You by Coldplay when I'm sad because that makes me feel worse than anything - and I will try to fix you - who? Who are you? Who will try to fix me? Thank you for the effort, Chris Martin, but I don't believe you are singing this to me.
Back to you, Romeo. I'm not blaming you for anything. It's all me. I'm sorry for liking you and I'm sorry for whatever this mess is that I am and I'm sorry for interrupting your life with my mess. But I still wish you would say something; maybe if you do, I can absolve myself.
The cat's on the table now. Now it's just waiting for Romeo to acknowledge it and see if Juliet will drink her poison. She probably will, because life is not fiction, even if she'd want it to be.